Why the need to be liked is killing your sales performance

Too many salespeople are addicted to approval. And it's killing their performance.

There’s a trait that quietly sabotages even the most talented salespeople: the need to be liked. To be validated by others - even strangers they’ve just met. It’s human. We’re wired for connection. We’ve evolved to depend on group approval to survive. But in sales?

That instinct is a deal killer. This need for validation isn’t just evolutionary - it’s trained into us early. At school, we learn to conform. To blend in. To please. Please the teacher mostly as he or she is the one giving good grades. That’s where peer pressure starts.

And now? It’s been supercharged by social media. We're constantly chasing digital nods - likes, comments, followers. A total stranger taps "like" on a post and BOOM - dopamine hits the brain. It feels good.

But in sales, that little hit?
It comes at a high cost.

Why? Challenging questions beat slide decks

Let’s be honest. In B2B sales, the biggest enemy isn’t the competition.

It’s inertia — the status quo.

Prospects are comfy. Human beings don't like to change. That's built in the body, it's called homeostasis.

If you are not familiar with it, homeostasis is the body's tendency to maintain internal stability and resist change. It's a self-regulating process that keeps variables like temperature, pH, hydration, and energy levels within a narrow, optimal range -even in the face of external changes.

The exact same thing happen when you're selling. Organisation resist change.

Even when their situation how to put it... is suboptimal (or is really bad) human organisation cling to the statu quo. There's FOMO. And unless, while selling, you shake that up with the leadership, nothing changes.

Salespeople fail when they play it safe. When they try to convince. When they lead with demos. Or fancy powerpoint decks. When they ask the easy questions. When they stay on the surface.

But top performers?
They do the opposite.

They ask tough, uncomfortable questions.
The ones that make a prospect stop and squirm a bit.
The ones that reveal inconsistency, risk, loss, urgency.
They force awareness. And eventually: change.

But here's the challenge. To ask those questions, there's a need to risk something: not being liked.

And that’s where too often people involved in selling freeze. They sense tension and back off. Why? Because they’d rather be liked than respected.

And that’s exactly why they lose the deal.

NDLR: This no need of approval is one of the many thing we assess when we start working with organisation. Exemple below and samples can be downloaded here.

Respect closes deals. Not approval.

If you want to raise your conversion rate, you or your sales team need to be aware of one thing:

“You can fulfil your emotional needs or your financial needs - but not both at the same time.”

People involved in selling, being sales reps or anyone else, must stop chasing validation. And start chasing clarity. Not the fluffy "open questions" every sales manual suggests. But the real ones. The bold ones. Which makes people think, for example: "Ah ah, this is an interesting question, yes, this has an impact in my organisation / my behaviour".

The bold questions need to be delivered with empathy. With nurture, not aggression. Communication is an art which isn't taught at school. And rarely taught later in life (are you familiar with transaction analysis and how to use this while selling for example?). But delivered with the intention to challenge.

Because when prospects respect you, they listen. And when they listen, they buy. Not always of course. But it increases the likelihood they do.

I see it every week in the field. The best-performing sales reps are not the slickest talkers.
They’re the ones who aren’t afraid to go deep, get uncomfortable, and stay there.

That’s where real selling happens.